#editing these tags to say i really said fuck that fic and hit post lmao

[non-binharry]

i wanna give it to you by non-binharry/enbyharry on ao3

harry/louis | 5k | explicit

written for the @topharryficfest

“I want to have another baby," Louis admits with a slow roll of his hips. "What?" "Put your baby in me, H." "We agreed on two, Lou," he says, desperate to thrust himself into the body above him. "No," Louis says, "I said two, and you settled." or Alpha mom Harry and omega dad Louis decide to have another baby. Ironically, parenthood gets in the way.

read on ao3

[dwaekkicidal]

apologies for all the spam that has happened/will happen today!! im super hyper and i have a lot of energy so im:

[1] working on easing txt into my blog,

[2] catching up on kinktober, AND

catching up on super old asks lol (they will be in drafts until like tomorrow or the day after)

i also just noticed [3] how many notes chris' kinktober got???? so i wanted to comment about that LMAO

this will just be a mash of random crap i wanted to say but i rather not spam so i wont make separate posts for it

1. the most "important" (not really important) thing is the txt stuff!!

im going to start posting txt stuff now!

i will be writing for them soon enough! (maybe by the end of next week i should have 1-2 drabbles posted per member? ...maybe) im still creating/editing the new masterlist and all that before i post what i have written for them :3

that being said, i have some reposted txt fics that im going to post! ill post like 6/7 today to get the tags preset, so apologies if u have my notifs on! and the other ones are queued to be posted throughout the week :3

^they will still be tagged under "#sian's reposts <3" but theres gonna be 6 new repost tags that im gonna use for them!

2. i should be caught up on kinktober by/before wednesday! im aiming for tomorrow if im being honest but i will not promise it if i'm not 100% sure i can do it lol

that being said! i also changed the very end of kinktober a little bit. there were supposed to be 2 mxm posts on the same day but i realized that i was stupid and i physically cant link 2 things at the same time, and changing the post would drive my ocd nuts, so!! im making the ChangSeung post a whole separate thing!

also somebody had asked a few months ago to add Changbin x Seungmin to my masterlist & i never got to it, and i just so happened to plan a post for them for kinktober so i will just post that stuff separately instead!

3. why the fuck did chris' kinktober post get 3k notes? LOL

when i tell you guys i HATED that post.. to the point where i was debating a few hours before i was supposed to post it, if i should scrap it or not and call off kinktober...

its so funny to me that you guys loved it, and its my first ever post to hit 3k notes LMFAO so thank you <3

also felix's got past 1k i believe? u guys r demons i love u

if you made it this far, thank you for coming to my yap sesh

but thats all!! love you guys, make sure youre drinking water <3

[chryblossomjjk]

bts fic recommendations | 01.17.23

→ hi friends! this is a little segment i do every tuesday (reviewsday get it, aren’t i funny, pls tell me how funny i am) where i read and review two-three fics. as a content creator, i know how big of a role other creators play in your growth, therefore, i want to do my part in making sure everyone gets the recognition they deserve! so with that being said, please check out the amazing fics listed below. make sure to like, reblog, and leave feedback! ♡ #reviewsday #kikirecs

motor head - @jeonjcngkook (jjk x reader | fwb, angst, smut, pwp)

summary: jungkook doesn’t like seeing someone else have your attention, so he decides he’s gonna do something about it.

feel like ive been here since the conception of this majesty?? like i was here for the horny discord chats n edits about motorcycle jk, therefore, it's only fair that i can gatekeeper him... mine. ALSO NOT U STARTING IT OFF W GETTING SANDWICHED BETWEEN MY BIAS N BIAS WRECKER?? THE DISRESPECT OF IT ALL!!!

^the feminism leaving my body when sav writes about jk manhandling oc n having her use his bike as a vibrator

^^me regaining the feminism when she whips a whole tape measure at him theme shits is HEAVY LMAO

also like... your brain w this fucking smut bro?!?! it's literally one of the hottest smuts ive read in a v v v long fucking time?? THE JUMPER CABLE HANDCUFFS LIKE GTFO??? SHAKESPEAREAN OF SMUT REALLY!! and i completely get where oc is coming from bc some of the things he said had me side eyeing like... repressed feelings maybe? but then is he just super possessive and his anger/hurt came from ego n not emotions... genuinely love when the characters are hard to read like thats everything. n she better fuck taehyung >:( BUT RUN DONT WALK TO READ THIS UGH IT WAS SO GOOD BBY LIKE NO WONDER SHE WAS DOING ROUNDS IN THE TAGS!!!!!!!

tales of broken hearts - @taegularities (kth x reader | ex2l, childhood sweethearts, fluff, angst, smut)

summary: when a work trip brings you back home, you don't expect for anyone to await your return or remember you. but despite the time apart, taehyung still does - still looks at you the same way he used to five winters ago.

rid, im not joking when i say this is everything i want in a fanfic. like ex2l always gets me, and you legit mastered it with this one. something about right person wrong time just does it for me. that opening line was so simple but so so so beautiful:

"Love doesn't bloom during frigid winters."

and your ability to fully write in the pov of the character that you've crafted is nutty. like on the outside, it seems like a simple thing to do, but ik from experience that it's really not. like the way you perfectly represented oc's bleakness in the beginning through the word choices, that only shifts when taehyung is being discussed, is a1 storytelling. and same with him, like even when things are falling apart, the metaphor compares oc to a star, n that's how he sees her despite the circumstances. IM EMOTIONAL!!!

and idk dude i think i feel so strongly about this piece bc i relate to this oc sooo much. like the way ur desire to get out of ur current situation bleeds into every aspect of ur life n ruins relationships n u end up even worse than u started off in a lot of ways- NOT THIS FIC BEING A WHOLE HIT PIECE RID LMAO >:(

they deserve eachother sm and oc deserves a happy easy love and THE ROUNDABOUT MOMENT IN THE END LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I LOVE WHEN EVERYTHING TIES IN AND UGH I FUCKING CAN'T THIS WAS A MASTERPIECE LIKE I NEED TO SEE THIS ON FILM BBY THE BIG SCREEN!!!!!!!

posting this a lil early but who gaf :')

[alwaysxlarrie]

you know it’s an alwaysxlarrie fic when ... + 2022 writing self evaluation 

ok so i’m a tiiiiiny bit late to the game, so i’m just combining the two tags lol. thank you to @hellolovers13, @larrysballetslippers, @zannithinks, @lunarheslwt, @brightgolden & @momrryrights for tagging me in the moodboard challenge (that’s what i’m calling it lol). hope everyone enjoys my chaotic moodboard hehe & thank you to @neondiamond, @onlythebravest, @lunarheslwt, @greenblueish, @thedevilinmybrain & @loveislarryislove for tagging me in the self evaluation tag !! here we goooo

for the moodboard we’ve got 2013 larry bc that’s my fav era & how i always imagine them in my fics, football player louis, santa’s sleigh, office space, cute notes on a white board, a clothing rack, new york city & gentle touches. i don’t think i need to say there’s not any specific mood theme going on here for anyone to figure that out LMAO but i did try my best regardless :)

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 9!

2. Word count posted for the year: if i’m counting correctly ..... 93,735 ????

3. Fandoms I wrote for: one direction. i have a fic for the 5sos fandom that i’ve written a few chapters for & was editing it in an ao3 draft but then the page refreshed for some reason & i lost everything & kinda lost steam, so .... maybe it’ll see the light of day next year

4. Pairings: louis/harry, zayn/liam (side pairing), shawn/niall (side pairing)

5. Story with the most…

Kudos: i swear i could give you everything

Bookmarks: also i swear i could give you everything lol

Comments: it’s i swear i could give you everything again LMAO 

Hits: gimme everything you got 

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): i think i’d say either gimme everything you got or i need something, so tell me something new. gimme everything you got bc i put a lot of my personal experience (give or take) into it & it got such a positive response & that made me super happy. i need something, so tell me something new bc it’s my first ever published fic in general & fic in this fandom.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): oooof. prob my sub harry fic. i enjoyed being apart of the fest & i enjoyed the experience, but writing it was so much harder than i’d anticipated & it felt like my writing got very redundant after a few scenes. i’m glad i stuck it out & that i published it, but yeah i def don’t think i did it the justice i’d wanted to.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: i’m really enjoying all the reviews/comments i’ve been getting on my cinderella au! it’s my first chaptered fic that i’m posting chapter by chapter, so that’s been really encouraging. but in general, i appreciate all the comments i get. as a small/new writer, i don’t expect to get any comments at all really, so whenever i do, i get excited. there was a comment on my christmas fic santa, won’t you bring me the one i really need? where someone said it was the best christmas fic they’ve ever read :)

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: the sub harry fic lmao. i love service kink harry fics so i was like alright sweet this will be a no brainer & basically, i fucked around & found out. i literally went through like 5 drafts until i finally found a premise that went w the prompt i was using that i felt i could build off of without turning the fic super predictable & dead end. i think if i’d waited to do that type of fic next year & done more research than i’d done for this one, it would’ve gone much better.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: the beginning of my cinderella au -- i’ve been very vocal about the fact that i write only fluff fics to balance out all the angst in our fandom & then i go & write a cinderella fic & make the first two chapters packed w angst LMAO. it’ll turn around soon, but that’s def the biggest one as of yet for me, i think.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: i’m not sure if i have a favorite tbh, but i like this one from i swear i could give you everything: --------------

“So what have you got for us today, Haz?” Louis asked, knocking on the table with his fists, excitement and anticipation both thrumming through his body.

“Well, I was just messing around in the kitchen last night, really,” Harry began, messing with the hem of his shirt and seemingly determined to continue looking at the floor as he made his way towards the fridge a few feet away from the table Louis was now sitting at. “And then I realized I had the ingredients. So. I just figured. Why not, you know?”

Louis furrowed his eyebrows, trying to piece together what Harry was talking about. All he’d done was ask Harry what he’d made. He guessed the ingredients were relevant to the conversation and he did enjoy listening to Harry talk - even if he really was talking some shit - so he decided to humor him. 

“Oh yeah, sweetheart?” Louis prompted as he placed his elbows on the table and rested his chin on one of his hands.

Harry was apparently too busy rummaging around the fridge to even glance back at him when he responded. Which wasn’t rude, really. Louis just. Wanted to see his eyes, was all.

“Yeah, so like. I thought you might enjoy it. You talk about it a lot, anyway. So I figured, I might as well, if I have the ingredients, you know?” 

“Sure, sure. Absolutely. No point in having all the ingredients if you’re not gonna make a good meal out of it.” Louis had completely lost the plot at this point but was still determined to try for Harry.

--------------

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: well let’s start w the fact that i began the year convinced i’d remain a reader & beta forever. so the fact that i’ve published one fic, let alone nine, is pretty big in itself lol. aside from that, i’ve gotten more comfortable writing smut & dialogue. before i wrote fics, i only wrote original stories & never included dialogue, so those were my biggest weaknesses when i first started writing fic & they’re still not my strengths yet, but i’ve definitely gotten better, i’d like to think.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: i def want to get more comfortable writing smut & building sexual tension. i want to write longer fics. i want to finish at least 5-10 of the 20 wips i have lol. i’d love to finish all of them, but 5-10 is a good goal. i want to write some different genres like historical, slow burns, etc.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): i have a few! @loveislarryislove is a big one -- if i need help w a metaphor, making sure a sentence sounds right, incorporating tension building touches, brainstorming, honest feedback, etc, annika is my pea in a pod. also @panye, steph is so lovely & helpful when it comes to brainstorming, talking out what phrasing sounds better, she tells me what needs fixing & how to fix it; basically, she’s the better half of our shared brain cell. @zanniscaramouche is pretty much the reason i feel as comfortable as i do writing smut. she’s patient, she gives examples, she’s kind, she knows just how to change wording around to make a description or dialogue top tier. @justanothershadeofblue, is my sprinting buddy (along with zanni when our schedules align!). having a daily sprinting buddy who cheers you on is delightful, especially when they’re as supportive & willing to get sidetracked in off topic convos w me as zjo!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: gimme everything you got is based on personal experience in terms of the stigmas that come w female masturbation / women being shamed for exploring their bodies. i work in retail, so while that didn’t inspire it’s like i’m powerful with a little bit of tender, it def helped me know bts info lol. lastly, i’ve recently switched my major from psychology to interior design & my minor from interior design to psychology, so i guess my (new) major showed up in you are my destiny (you are the reason that i still believe). hostile work environment was also inspired by my retail job as well LMAO. there’s more in my wips tbh, but as for my currently published fics, that’s it, i think!

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: just remember that how ‘popular’ or ‘unpopular’ your fic may be / may get isn’t an indicator of your talent. write something bc you want to write it, not bc you think it’ll appeal to people. take breaks -- if you’re stuck on a scene or sentence, get up & do something else for a bit. if you keep rereading the same sentence over & over, it’s only going to keep sounding more & more scrambled. you’ll work much better with a clear head & will be able to see where the mistakes -- if any -- actually are.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: my cinderella au for sure! i started a fic inspired by one of my fav fics staring across the room by the lovely @allwaswell16 & it’s been put to the side for much longer than i’ve wanted. i initially put it to the side to get more practice writing tension building, but def want to finish it next year. i also finally started the sequel to my girl direction fic, so that as well. & the sequel to my christmas fic lmao. i have lots of things i need to finish 😭😭

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: i honestly don’t know anyone who hasn’t done or been tagged in either of these yet, but i’ll tag a few anyway lol @lululawrence @thebreadvansstuff @panye @kingsofeverything @voulezloux @infinitelymint @londonfoginacup @twopoppies @littleroverlouis @tommokat @crinkle-eyed-boo @disgruntledkittenface @kingonafiftymetreroad @daggerandrose @homosociallyyours @ireallysawanangel & anyone else who wants to do these!

[majicmarker]

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! and PSA

*waves* hi everyone! so uh, I’ve kind of had a bit of a surge in followers recently, and I thought I would make a bit of a PSA/intro post with a bit more targeted info than my about page.

anyways, I’m cyan! statistically speaking, you are probably here for one of the following reasons:

my fic

my meta

my gifs

my translation

all of the above

this is pretty much an mdzs blog on main these days, but I also rb a lot of other misc things because I have never been good at keeping my interests separate. it’s also my personal blog, so expect some of that? i am very all or nothing ahaha. my opinions change very quickly as I process new information, so like, something I said last week or yesterday might be different now! I’ve seen several people going through some of my older posts, and I’m just like oh dear, I said a lot of things six months ago that I no longer vibe with. /o\ please keep that in mind as you go diving in my blog!

i don’t have a BYF or DNI policy, but I reserve the right to block anyone for any reason because this is a personal blog first and foremost, and I do need to be better about setting my boundaries and curating my own online space! on that same token, you are free to follow, unfollow, block, whatever, even if we’re mutuals. <3

you’re free to come talk to me in my inbox or dms, but please be aware that there’s a very high chance I will never get back to you /o\ it isn’t personal!! I am just very mentally ill and have many difficulties with keeping up social interactions or talking to people.

in the interest of trying to be more open about myself, my brain, and what that means for me in an online/fandom space, I’m gonna do a boatload of mental health talk under the cut (or, if you’re looking at this on my blog proper or somewhere where the cut doesn’t display, it starts right after this paragraph), including mentions of self-harm/thoughts of specific self-harm etc, just so you are warned! I’ve been thinking recently that it’s good to try and take steps towards being more open about my issues, both for my own sake and others’. It’s long, because one of the fun things about my mental illness is that I am hyperverbal ahahaha (if that... wasn’t already obvious orz)

so if you’ve read pfmmpd, you can kind of get a sense of what I’m working with. a lot of how i wrote lwj was drawn directly from shit happening in my own brain, but like? dial that up from the specific issues that lwj had in that fic and apply it unilaterally across the board to almost anything you can think of.

I hesitate to describe my OCD as debilitating, but only because my specific cocktail of compulsions and anxieties and triggers push me to be hyperachieving and hyperfunctional. I consider myself pretty fortunate (?) in that regard. on paper, you could never tell how absolutely batshit my internal landscape is! which is very good for me practically in that I can hold down a job, keep scholarships, graduate with honors, have good prospects for my future, hold onto relationships (usually yikes) etc. but the fact of the matter is, I’m like. oh boy.

to give you a peek, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things that have triggered me to varying degrees of severity within the last like, week or so:

my dog

a chinese folk song

my mother reading a chinese haiku to me written by a young gay man

a chinese reader of my fic lovingly and gently giving me a history lesson on china and on mdzs while praising me

stepping on a piece of snow that didn’t collapse in the precise way i expected it to

writing meta

reading meta

ruminating on my triggers (honestly, I played myself)

seeing a twitter thread going around tumblr with decent information but the OP is someone who was exceedingly cruel to a good friend of mine

visiting my grandmother’s grave

deciding to visit my grandmother’s grave

discussing the concept of cuddling my partner whom i love and have been with for four years

self-harming (truly the height of irony, being triggered into self-harm and then getting triggered by the result of the self-harm hahahahahaha)

dropping off a package

trying to explain queer-coding to my parents

talking about stressors in my life related to covid19

having a very pleasant conversation with a person i admire

editing my translation

the fact that the “close” button on my accessibility sidebar on the translation website is the wrong color

choosing between eating all the shiitake mushrooms in my soup and purposefully giving myself a bad reaction or throwing one out and wasting food

thinking about playing a fun game with my partner and a mutual friend

my mom asking me to take a photo of some tea for her

my mom asking my opinion on a photo she was photoshopping

animal crossing

writing this fucking post HAHAHAHA

like!! it goes on!! endlessly! obviously, these triggers are not simply “bad” things. the chinese folk song and the haiku were both really beautiful and i love them! but I did spend a good amount of time curled up on my floor in the dark sobbing as i played the song on repeat. the haiku was one of the last straws that ended up with me screaming and crying and hurting myself. the snow??? like wtf the snow thing. I stepped on the snow and it felt wrong and my brain just started screaming SMASH YOUR KNEECAP. ???? (I didn’t, for the record, and I would never.) I love my partner very much! I love my friends very much, and my mother, and my grandmother etc. my triggers are infinite, unpredictable, and bizarre.

I’m saying all of this because I want to be clear that MDZS/CQL fandom specifically triggers me on a daily basis, sometimes very very badly. this is just a fact! it is no one’s fault! I have decided it is worth it for me to stay anyways. it is impossible for me to request people tag for certain things because I myself have no idea what my triggers are until I encounter them. It’s like a fun mystery boss encounter! sometimes it’s low level and i’m well-equipped to handle it. other times it’s a one-hit KO. We just don’t know! there are lots of very cool content creators in this fandom that I can’t follow because it would make my dash that much more high stakes. the original source canon material triggers me! all the events leading up to Lotus Cove massacre? I was shaking at work for three hours after consuming it for the first time.

Meta specifically is something I know a lot of people like me for, but it’s 100% the most triggering activity I participate in for this fandom. like, that suibian meta post I wrote that’s currently going around? Probably took me four or five hours of concentrated effort to write because I was compulsively panicking and rewriting and editing and panicking more and qualifying and editing and qualifying some more and then debating whether I should post it or not and then fighting with myself about my wording and then immediately regretting it and then every time someone commented on it (regardless of positive or negative!) my anxiety spiked. I started a reply to a response on that post and had to stop after a few minutes because I was already starting to trigger myself over it.

this is actually a pretty good outcome when it comes to meta! I recognized that I was hurting myself before I got any further, and I only spent like, five hours on it! it was good exposure therapy for me! the bad outcome is. well. bad, as you might imagine lmao.

I like writing meta. I like talking to people about it too! I like participating in fandom, I like writing, I like translating, I like all of these things. they’re just also really hard for me! there’s a couple meta requests sitting in my inbox right now that I want to get to, but it might take me like. a long time because of. you know! *gestures* Everything takes me a long time. that first chapter of the translation took me literally five months from beginning the project to posting a final edited version. It’s just over 1k words. D8

I try really hard to be chill and kind in public and I largely think I succeed on the kind part (I hope!). If you thought I had even an ounce of chill before this, perhaps I have disabused of that notion entirely now lmao. I’m not saying this for pity, but like? just so we all know what we’re dealing with here. I don’t want anyone to get hurt when I don’t engage with them or feel snubbed if I never reply to them. and also like, hey, if someone relates it’s like hooray, high fave, solidarity! we’re not alone in this world! or maybe this will help someone understand OCD a little better! I don’t know. I hope this post is a positive thing. BUT! I’ve spent three hours on it already, and i’m definitely starting to compulsively spiral, so instead of going back and editing it over and over, I’m just going to post it. thank you everyone for your understanding! I hope you enjoy your time on my blog! (*´▽`*)

[howwnowbrowncoww]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms

thanks for the tag @vidramon​! I’m going to refrain from picking Malroth since it’s a total given for me lol and since you already wrote some pretty great stuff about him. These aren’t really in any order and I picked off the top of my head so I’m sure I’m missing a few I’d really be able to chat your ears off about, but this was fun anyway!

Oops, editing this to say anyone can try it out! Not tagging anyone specific this time, but if you want to talk about 10 characters you love, please add on an share or make your own post and tag me because I’d love to see!

1. Bado (Rune Factory 4)

Honestly, I love all the characters from 4, but this loser holds a special place in my heart. His half-hearted passion for getting rich quick but lack of follow through when it comes to negatively impacting people around him with his schemes is oddly endearing. I equally want to wring his neck and be his best friend. I also will die mad that he wasn’t a marriage candidate>:T

2. Tamaki Amajiki (BNHA)

It was a toss up between him and Shinsou, but I picked Tamaki because I can relate more to him. I love seeing him fight with determination and courage despite how much anxiety he has. He works hard despite all his perceived faults, and his supportive friend group makes me so happy for him! I left off mid season 4 of the anime but I want to pick it up again just for him and Shinsou lol

3. Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword)

Okay, I know, major leap from anxious Tamaki, but Ghirahim is a fave on the complete opposite side of the scale. This guy is obviously an asshole. A total jerk. Dickhead supreme. But he’s a very fun and interesting villain (in the worst way) imo. I’m also a huge fan of WindWaker Ganondorf because of his drive as a villain, but I picked Ghirahim since SS is getting remade soon. Idk, his design is eye-catching, every time I got to meet him in the game, he always had interesting dialouge (putting it lightly), and his personality uh...leaves much to be improved upon, but he HAS ONE! I’m tired of boring villains with lackluster motivations. Okay, his motivations were kinda expectable too, but his overwhelming desire to kill me in an extremely over-the-top dramatic fashion at all times was refreshing.

4. Sophie (Howl’s Moving Castle)

I know a lot of people have a favorite Sophie (either the book or movie version), but I like both equally for really different reasons. I related to movie Sophie a lot as a kid (still kinda do), so I have nostalgia going for me there, but book Sophie is a wild card. I lover her. She’s nuts, she won’t hesitate to throw acid, she can and will do whatever the hell she wants. I really want to be her. 

5. Fenris (Dragon Age 2)

It was SO HARD to pick between him, Bull, and Dorian, because I haven’t played any of the games, but I want to meet them all so damn bad lol. I OWN all the games, I just haven’t played them yet /cries/. Ironically, I took a quiz the other day and it said I’d be Fenris, and I honestly was just more concerned than anything considering his backstory lmao. Anyway, I love an elf who can wield a greatsword and rip people’s hearts from their bodies while avoiding his emotionally traumatic past:>

6. Galo Thymos (Promare)

Look, I absolutely ADORE everyone in this entire movie, but this moron just hits all the best character traits for me. He’s passionate, he’s stupider than all get out, and he’s constantly shirtless while almost dying and saving the day through sheer god-defying luck and a refusal to lay down and die. There’s just something about himbos that gets me, ya know?

7. Kurapika Kurta (Hunter X Hunter)

Kurapika has what Sasuke could NEVER. Literally, Kurapika has such a more satisfying revenge/redemption ark than anything I’ve ever seen. I love his interaction with Melody and the main group, the red eyes thing is so BADASS (again, still cooler than Sasuke’s), the chains are both aesthetic as HELL and insanely, terrifyingly effective. Never seen a cooler anime character in my entire life. I also just really, really want to give him a fucking hug, like wow he really needs one.

8. Apollo Justice (Ace Attorney games)

Apollo is a new love of mine (also from a game I haven’t played yet) as well as another character for me to eventually project onto;) He’s anxious, he yells a lot, he’s oblivious as fuck, but he has the passion I love in all my characters. This boy is in for a world of hurt (from the many spoilers I have run into by browsing the game tags prematurely lol), but I know he’ll pull through! He has his family by his side!;-;

9. Sakura Haruno (Naruto)

Don’t even get me started on Sakura>:O I love her so much. I did not appreciate her near enough as a kid (maybe understandably since she was written for shit). Instead of going back and rewatching the show to face inevitable disappointment, I just read fics that fix all of the crappy things the show did to her:) This girl could crush me like a bug and I am looking respectfully!!

10. Tadashi Hamada (Big Hero 6)

Saving the most underloved one for last;-; Tadashi I miss you. I rewatch this goddamn movie just for you (and sometimes Baymax). I have the only shirt I could ever find with him on it and I also have his hat because once I latch onto a character, I apparently never let go. It’s a shame Disney had to kill him off to further the plot. I was so desperate for more content of this character that I found myself falling down theory spirals about how he may come back as Sunfire (that name may be wrong, it’s been a few years lol). Ultimate big brother, great best friend, everyone loved him and knew he was creating good things for the world, super goofy: literally I think I just aspired to be more like him when I first saw the movie. Mad respect for this dude.

[peter-pantomime]

Ask Meme

WELP HERE WE GO LMAO

002 | Character

Feelings

How do i feel about love of my life, idiot child of my loins, Richard Richie Dick Trashmouth Tozier? Listen ive been in some fandom or another for like fifteen years straight, some with more intensity than others, and there are some deeply obvious patterns that have emerged in the characters and relationships that make me absolutely lose my MIND. Is there a character who others (my mother) would call a dick, an asshole, a complete twerp? who is loud and obnoxious and performative and NEEDS attention? but who then under that is DEEPLY insecure and has lots of self-hatred and cannot handle actually being seen? sign me the FUCK up. Charles Xavier, Dean Winchester, Bucky Barnes, my loves, step aside - long live the ultimate clown, Richie Tozier.

OTP/Ships

Just gonna save this rant for the Reddie answer below. 

Others

Non-romantic OTPs are a delight for Richie. I do love him and Bev when they’re kids, i think there’s a lot there in both of them about being terrified of puberty and what its revealing to them about themselves, and i havent really seen that delved into anywhere, but i think it would be really interesting to see. But i also love Richie and Stan, a lot of fics (Indelicate in particular i think) call them an unstoppable force and immovable object, and I love that dynamic. I’d like to see how that plays out more when they aren’t fighting lol. also in general I just love that Patty is showing up more in fics and I love their dynamic too. 

Shitty Headcanons

I don’t know if its unpopular as much as its depressing, but the only way I can cope with the canon ending of the movie is if richie kills himself like, a minute after that last shot of him. In real life, I would never say that but in fiction? Narratively, I think its more in character than just smiling and bouncing along on his way after the love of his life is impaled in front of him BECAUSE said love saved him and he had to leave him to be buried in the diseased and dirty darkness with the corpse of their worse nightmare. Anyway, stay tuned for my Orpheus fic, itll happen eventually.

Canon

On that note like, i DON’T want that to have happened in canon, but like, I’ve long ago given up on looking to mainstream media for storylines and characterizations i want to see. I would have preferred Richie staying in the house with Eddie tbh, but again, wasnt looking to the film to give me a satisfying happy or sad ending for him/them. 

Crossovers

I don’t really think about crossover stuff much, much more into AUs, so like, lets have Reddie in a The Mummy AU hows that. (also actually edit: theres a fic where Eddie and Carrie White are cousins and i LOVE THAT)

001 | Reddie

in the beginning

This is 100% one of those ships i blame tumblr for. It started with seeing some good reddie art going around before part 2 came out, then laughing at some posts probably, then going into the tags ‘just to see what was happening,’ and then resigning myself to knowing i was gonna see the new movie and watching the first one in prep and just seeing it hit all my buttons. twas inevitable. 

happy/sad

I love nearly everything fandom spins out for them. not so much what canon did. I don’t particularly love modern AUs for them, them growing up in the 80s is very important to me, and it doesnt jive for me when richie isnt like, fucked up with internalized homophobia that he works through (even if its just acknowledged that he’s dealt with it before the fic starts, its just an important characterization for me). I don’t like stuff where eddie is super sweet and soft (...”chee”) and all woobie’d, like no, hes a little asshole and i love him for that.

other pairings

Another pattern in this deeply self-exposing parade of losers i go feral over is that i am embarrassingly singular in my shipping for them. Like, ONE true pairing to the heights, motherfuckers. Like, the similarities in the reasons I like Reddie and Stucky are comical. Kids who’ve known each other since childhood, one who’s sickly but absolutely a rage monster and one who’s loud and brash but much more timid on the inside, for whom the very concept of love was grown from knowing each other, who lose each other and literally forget each other for years, who then find each other again through bloodshed, and are now figuring out these teenage growing pains as grown people after a (N E A R) death experience? *anguished elk noise* literally havent gotten tired of it in the slightest yet. 

happily ever after

honestly, variations on a theme at this point - living together preferably in LA, soaking up sunshine and each other’s company, just happy and in love and HAPPY. basically a combo of Ithots and bullet in the back.

big/little spoon

nah, eddie sleeping directly on top of Richie 

favorite activity

this is just an expression of my own favorite activity, but them at a karaoke bar is still my favorite thought. Mostly because i need something where Richie sings Can’t Take My Eyes off You and it starts silly but then it HITS REAL HARD

[serendibidibidis]

Rules: answer the 30 (it’s actually only 28*) questions and tag some more people

Tagged by the beautiful @forvictorymyeverything ♡

1. Nicknames: T, T-MONEY, T-Money Milk$hake, Bunny, shade queen, Bubbles. and then 90% of my friends all have their own nicknames for me as well but my first 3 are my most common.

2. Gender: female xx

3. Star sign: Sagittarius

4. Height: 5'7"??? (I don’t know honestly)

5. Time: 11:49am

6. Birthday: 2811

7. Favorite bands: (only kpop) so I think it be too long if I answered this. However I’ll summarize my taste for you. (It’s not only K-pop whoops)

8. Favorite solo artists: (only kpop) so I love artists who are still underrated. I love watching them grow. It’s so fucking great. I like people who don’t change when a light is casted on them. I like real authentic people. Even if they’re an asshole they’re showing their true self. I don’t care for a style of music. I like them all. I’m someone who loves unknown artists, but I clearly love the known ones as well. They have recognition for a reason. I like people who are original and challenge the thought of comfort. People who know my tv debut is important but I need to use that as much as I can. (Skip to 2:50 if you don’t want to watch the whole thing) or people who push censorship to the limit. Swearing isn’t the only way to be censored. Rules or qualifications are changed on just about every award show if anyone from yg is in said show. It’s very easy to do nothing about it. But I like those who have a habit of forgetting how to hold their tongue.

9. Song stuck in my head: 21 by DΞΔN (Its not really a song but I also have the part where svt. Says their name in their songs you know “sevente-ee-een” that part?? It’s odd)

10. Last movie I watched: when’s the last time I’ve even seen a movie let alone what it was. Uhh I think deadpool?!

11. Last tv show: I sit at home and watch crime documentaries does that count? (I did binge watch some Ask us anything yesterday though..)

12. When did I create my blog: 3 years ago now?

13. What do I post: what don’t I post?! Shade, sunshine, fics, facts, & low quality memes too.

14. Last thing I googled: I feel like no one will believe that any of my Google searches are real but I can assure that yes I really do live this way. “if i have batteries in my pocket and they get wet will i get electrocuted”

15. Do I have other blogs: yes I do

16. Do I get asks: not normally no.

17. Why I choose my url: I couldn’t think of anything else. I have a name I really want to change it too but idk if I should cause it doesn’t completely apply. I also kinda wanna change my name because I stumbled upon a blog that’s name is similarish to mine and I don’t agree with their opinions.. (not that they’re bad ones or mine are right and there’s are wrong. But it’s too close of a name and I could see people thinking we’re the same blog/owned by the same person and it just getting really messy)

18. Following: 420….

19. Followers: plenty 💕 honestly I hate sharing the number of followers I have.. not because I’m ashamed or lying by saying ‘oh this blog is superrrrr popular’ (granted I don’t say that lmao) but the minute you start talking numbers that’s when it goes to others heads. I run like 8 blogs including this one… I probably spend the most time on this one. And this is one of my smallest blogs. I’m so fucking okay with that though. Because I have great people who I’ve met who don’t care about numbers. Regardless of followers I enjoy the people I talk to and the content i post. Plus the followers I do have are pretty fucking amazing.

20-

21. Average hours of sleep: like 9-12 BUT BEFORE YOU EVEN GO TO THE WHOLE 'HOLY SHIT HOW’ PART OF HOW MANY HOURS I SLEEP I DEADASS ONLY HAVE A GOOD SLEEP SCHEDULE OUT OF SPITE AND THAT SPEAKS VOLUMES ABOUT ME. (lol I’m suffering this time last year I was living off 30 minutes of sleep and tbh I’d pick that over 12 hours any day)

22. Lucky number: 23 (I don’t have a lucky number 23 is just my favorite number)

23. Insterments: LMAO I used to kazoo (Is that even the proper grammar for it?)

24. What am I wearing: khakis (unoriginal joke I know) I’m in pajama pants and a sweatshirt. Lol..

25.-

26. Dream job: I don’t even know what I want to eat for dinner let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life.

27. Dream trip: I don’t really have an ideal trip.

28. Favorite food: it changes because i get sick of eating the same thing all the time. But right now it’s actually really weird. It’s just plain ol’ salad..

29. Nationality: uhh? I look like I’m white does that count?

30. Favorite song right now: resist - djfriz & Mrshll

Haha I hit post to early so now I'm editing to tag some folks but I'm not sure who to tag... so I'm gonna type a random letter & the first person that shows up is who I'm tagging. I'm sorry.

@ssamdominic , @eureka-its-zico , @8bityeol *I accidentally hit 8 instead of I but totally okay with it* , @thecoolmrsokamura15 ♡♡

Okay I'm done tagging people

[roman-reigns-princess]

Cat & Mouse (Roman Reigns): Chapter 1

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Read it on Wattpad Writing Masterlist

Summary: In a world of werewolves, and shapeshifters, WWE is a hotspot for such creatures. Lyra and her older half brother’s team are no different. Ever since she joined the company, Lyra and Roman had been undeniably attracted to each other, but nothing good ever comes easy. Will Lyra and Roman give in to each other? Or will Seth come between his sister and her happily ever after? 

Warnings (will be edited as fic goes on): 18+, will be NSFW at some point, age difference (I guess? Idk what people consider an age difference, but I won’t specify her age, all Ima say is she’s like a couple yrs younger than Seth), smut (later on in the fic), Alpha!Roman

Lyra (OFC) Face Claim: Becky G (as she is now, not in 2014)

Word Count: 1441

A/N: This fic is set in Jan 2014 around the Royal Rumble (pls ignore the fact that the gif is post shield, he’s so cute). Honestly Seth and Dean are pretty irrelevant to the story and will probs only be here for like the 1st & 2nd chap, I just needed the Shield dynamic for angst btwn Roman and Lyra lmao. This is like my first actual fic in years so pls go easy on me 😅

Tag List (if anyone wants to be added, let me know): @m-a-t-91 @mrsamberlopezgoodanoai @simulated-heat @greatbreadwizard @hoodgirl163 @sabrina-the-champ @thiickreigns @alexahood21 @ii-love-roman-reigns @queenreignsempire @flawlessglamazon @not-that-kinda-gurl08 @x-fivefoot  @finnbalorsdemonqueen @romanempirefics @rocketgirl2410 @sausagefest1996 @vebner37 @macfizzle @cute-face-chubby-waist @wwefoever70 @horcruxhunter5972

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Lyra rushed to pack up her station; RAW was done for the day and it was less than a week till the Royal Rumble, so things were getting hectic even for makeup artists such as herself.

She was traveling with her brother and his partners as usual, and they always bugged her about packing up quicker. She scrambled around, frantically searching for her brushes; every other make up bag was packed away in her roller bag, except that one.

She grumbled to herself, knowing that Seth was going to chew her out for being late again. She got down on her hands and knees to check if she’d accidentally kicked it under a table, when a strong arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her up, making her yelp in alarm.

“As much as I love seein you with your ass in the air, we really gotta go, baby girl,” Roman’s deep voice rumbled in her ear as he set her on her feet; she could feel her face turning red as she stepped away. She just knew he’d be smirking when she turned to glare up at the Alpha standing behind her in his cargo style pants and a plain black t-shirt.

“I’m almost done, I’m just looking for one more thing,” she replied, choosing to ignore his blatant flirting.

Ever since she’d joined WWE as one of their permanent makeup artists, she’d caught the attention of WWE’s infamous Thoroughbred Alpha; Roman and her would flirt at any chance they got, constantly trying to find new ways to tease each other without Seth finding out.

But to Lyra’s dismay, Roman never let it go any further than a drunken New Years kiss; she knew he found her attractive, he never failed to let her know, but she couldn’t figure out if he was holding back because she was Seth’s sister, or perhaps he didn’t want to get involved with a half-human, half-shifter like her. Part of her wondered if he’d go further if she was half-werewolf, like her brother, instead of half-human.

Either way it left her frustrated and even more determined to get him to fuck her; but that moment wasn’t the right time for it, Seth was already annoying her with his rather hypocritical lectures about how he basically expected her to be a nun, she didn’t need him to bitch her out about punctuality.

“Hey girl, you left this by my station,” said one of the other girls working makeup that night, holding out a little black bag, her eyes flitting between Lyra and Roman before settling on the shifter with an amused look.

“Oh fuck, thanks, I nearly lost my shit when I couldn’t find my brushes,” Lyra said with a nervous laugh as she took the bag from the girl who gave them a small nod and walked away while Lyra stuffed the brushes into her roller bag and zipped it up. “Alrighty, I’m all done.”

“Okay we gotta hurry, think you can keep up? Or do I gotta carry you?” He said, grabbing the handle of her bag in one hand and her forearm with his other, dragging them both after him.

“Shut the fuck up, Reigns,” she huffed, barely managing to snatch her purse off the table as she struggled to keep up with his long strides, making him laugh in return.

She was thankful that the exit was fairly close as her short legs were starting to burn by the time they made it there; Seth had already pulled the car up with Dean riding shotgun. Her brother honked loudly at them, resulting in both Lyra and Roman flipping him off.

“Go ahead and get in, I’ll put your bag in the trunk with the rest of the shit,” said Roman, giving her ass a light smack, she shot him a dirty look but his back was turned to her. She got into the car behind Seth, and Roman joined soon after.

“Took you guys long enough,” Seth grumbled as he sped out of the arena parking lot, heading for the highway that would take them to their next destination.

“Hey don’t look at me, not my fault the little princess here couldn’t keep track of her shit,” Roman said with a shrug.

“Don’t throw me under the bus like that, asshole,” she hissed, punching his arm, which had absolutely no effect on him, but certainly made her regret that decision as her knuckles met hard muscle.

“I’m not gonna take the fall for you when you’re bein’ an irresponsible child,” he retorted, she rolled her eyes, scoffing as she pulled out her phone rather than reply. “Yo, Dean, move your seat up, man, I’m dyin’ back here.”

“You ain’t the only one with long legs, dude,” replied Dean.

“Fine, fine,” Roman muttered; Lyra was busy texting Naomi, whom she’d grown close with over the past few months, so she paid no attention to them until she suddenly found herself being crushed by the large Samoan as he took it upon himself to stretch out across the back seat.

“What the-damnit, Roman, get off me, you’re too big,” she squeaked, trying to push him off.

“Bet that’s not the first time he’s heard that,” Dean snorted, earning a fist bump from Roman, and cackle from Seth.

“Well, if you sit on my lap it’ll work out better for the both of us,” Roman suggested, shifting off of her temporarily. Lyra’s eyes snapped to her brother, or rather the back of his seat, wondering if he’d have a problem with it, but he didn’t seem to care as he hummed along to some 80s song playing on the radio.

“Okay, fine,” was her only reply; she was not going to say no to an opportunity to be pressed up against Roman, even if she was a little annoyed at him.

A year ago she would’ve refused the offer because shifters weren’t pack creatures, but after being around the Shield, and other werewolves in the company, she began to adapt to their pack mentality and the lack of personal boundaries with close friends.

Biting her lip, she moved to sit sideways on Roman’s lap, expecting him to leave her be, but to her surprise he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him so that her back was flush against his warm chest while he moved to stretch across the back seat. She couldn’t help but feel tiny as her smaller frame lay on top of his much larger one.

She was a little surprised at how relaxed she felt in his arms, but that feeling was soon replaced by tension when she felt his lips pressed up against her right ear.

“You see, babe, I’m great at making big things fit, I’ve had lots of practice,” Roman said soft enough so that only Lyra heard it. She felt the blood rush to her face, and she elbowed him in response, not trusting herself to say something, but she knew just how to get back at him.

“Anyone want a lollipop?” She asked as she opened up her purse; she smirked inwardly as she felt Roman shift beneath her.

“What’re you, a five year old?” Dean quipped, making her kick the back of his seat. “Hey, watch it, don’t think I won’t kick your ass just cause you’re Seth’s baby sis.”

“Calm down, the both of you,” Seth said, sounding more than a little exasperated. “And I’ll take grape.”

“You always finish my grape pops,” she grumbled as she handed one to him and picked out a cherry flavoured one for herself. “You’re buying me my next bag of candy.”

“Whatever, kiddo,” he replied; she contemplated hitting his seat too, but settled on unwrapping her lollipop instead.

“Roman,” she said, looking up to find his eyes transfixed on the candy in her hand as she gave it a slow lick. “D'you want one too?”

“I, uhm, what, oh,” Roman cleared his throat, his arms tightened around her as she swirled her tongue around the lollipop; he forced himself to meet her eyes as she blinked up at him innocently. “I’m all good, babe, you just keep licking and sucking like a good girl.”

“Mmmhmm,” was her only response as she sucked on it, hollowing her cheeks out. She couldn’t help but feel smug when he finally averted his eyes, mumbling under his breath about how this was going to be a long journey.

She wriggled around in his arms until she found a position she liked, not that any position that involved her on top of Roman could ever be uncomfortable, but she wanted to tell Naomi about this, and she certainly couldn’t have Roman looking at her phone. While it may be a long journey for Roman, it was going to be a fun ride for her.